December 2011
1 post
July 2011
1 post
March 2011
1 post
Things that make me feel like an old:
I’m visiting friends in new orleans at the moment and it’s noon and I’m the only person awake (since, oh, 8 am). I’ve been sneaking around their house all morning to get water and to pee, pretending like I’m trying not to disturb them, but secretly hoping they hear me and get up out of guilt. Such a needy, petulant child.
February 2011
3 posts
“Each finger has developed a unique function and meaning. The extended thumb of...”
– The Mutilated Hand, Weinzweig & Weinzweig
December 2010
2 posts
dearly disconnected
I have a weakness for places — for old battlefields, car-crash sites, houses where famous authors lived. Bygone passions should always have an address, it seems to me. Ideally, the world would be covered with plaques and markers listing the notable events that occurred at each particular spot. A sign on every pay phone would describe how a woman broke up with her fiance here, how a young...
November 2010
4 posts
In you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness, the fullness.
Before, I almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on. I never feel the brakes. I overflow.
-Anais Nin, Letter to Henry Miller, 1932
October 2010
2 posts
When you suffer from mild hypochondria as I do, it is important to have a variety of close friends to draw upon for reassurance. Friends who you feel comfortable talking to about poop (most friends). Friends who will go on WebMD for you, since you have forbidden yourself from looking at it in order to preserve your sanity, and calmly assure you that your twitchy eye is likely not due to a severed...
September 2010
3 posts
Pissed
1
Truth or dare slumber party in fifth grade. I think I had only been invited on my infamous track record of accepting any dare. Which is how I ended up purposefully pissing myself in front of sixteen pre-teen girls. I stood in front of them, brave and too proud to relent, a slow stain spreading over the front of my pjs. It took me at least a year before I understood that pee was not the way into...
The system of his delusions had been the subject of an elaborate paper in
a scientific monthly, but long before that she and her husband had puzzled
it out for themselves. “Referential mania,” Herman Brink had called it. In
these very rare cases the patient imagines that everything happening
around him is a veiled reference to his personality and existence. He
excludes real people...
August 2010
3 posts
July 2010
4 posts
“Just as it is incalculably more thrilling to watch a piano burn than, say,...”
– Troy Patterson, on why fireworks really suck.
Jesus.
$460 Sisterhouse has rooms opening!!
Date: 2010-07-01, 3:01PM EDT Reply to: hous-pzrjr-1821084610@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hello from the 6! The Sisterhouse, Isis house and whatever other name for our amazing abode we use at any given moment! We have and exciting opportunity in our home to welcome in more extraordinary sisters for this summer! Our intention is to create a...
June 2010
4 posts
This is the phone conversation I had recently with a man I contacted over craigslist about an apartment in Boston.
Him: “Man, I’m watching this show- it’s like America’s Talented or something, and this little fat dude is doing acrobatics or some shit.”
Me: “Oh. That sounds cool.”
Him: “Yeah, so you’re planning to reform the students of...
Homework
I realize that I forgot to bring the woman at Table 23 her second Streetcar hours after clocking out. I crawl into bed drunk in the afternoon and dream that there is a table full of customers in our living room. I sleep mumble to my boyfriend that he needs to take their order, they’ve been waiting forever and I’m too sleepy. ”There’s no one there,” he says. I dream...
The Insult Game
“Let’s insult each other.”
There was silence around the table. Drink to Think had run its course and we were trying to come up with new games to play while drinking. My friends are really, really cool.
“Listen, it won’t be that bad. I’ll start- I’ll insult Nathan, he’ll insult Anna, she’ll insult Mary and so on….”
We protested....
Paperweight Slinging
Every single morning, my co-worker asks me what I did the night before.Some days, he asks what I’m planning to do that night. On Fridays, he asks what I’m doing over the weekend. On Mondays, he asks what I did over the weekend. Last Friday, over an eight hour period, he asked me what I did the night before, what I was doing that night, and whether I had plans for the weekend. And I...
May 2010
5 posts
“I find it repellent when people do yoga exercises at the gate in airports. I...”
– John Waters
Selected New Years Resolutions from the Central...
Kiki Benetton, 11 - “Don’t let anyone take advantage of me and get a job
and keep it and get a boyfriend.”
James Kapley, 12 - “Be faithful to one girl and to add more pros to the
list.”
Beverley Erdhlund, 12 - “To be tan.”
Allison Brown, 12 - “To sleep more and go to jazzercise three times a
week.”
Shirrell Stapler, 11 - “To lose weight.”
Kelli Spangel, 11 - “To get better grades. I’m...
“{The rest of us, not chosen for enlightenment are..} Kicking endlessly among the...”
– Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow
To work in a restaurant staffed mostly by men means to constantly walk into conversations that are suddenly stalled by my presence. Eyes head downwards, as though they’re all ashamed of what they were just talking about. I get stolen snippets of it time to time, pilfered from busboys and pantry chefs who are young enough to not know better. I’ll say, “What was that Gustavo was...
April 2010
4 posts
I answered the door for pizza delivery last night and found my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend standing there in a papa john’s uniform. I didn’t know it was her until she asked to see her dog. That was how she said it too, can I see my dog? as though ownership of an animal is a contract that lasts forever.
She kept apologizing for how awkward it was and telling me that no one else had...
March 2010
2 posts
“Bonjour (hello). Je m’appelle Claudette, and I use your magazine to learn...”
– Letters to the editors of womens magazines
“Oh, I’d say I like a meal as much as anybody,” he tells me, mildly, as he...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer, Financial Times interview
I can’t take him seriously in this undermining of the value of taste when he’s sipping on manure colored juice and recommending seitan throughout the interview. Try a plate of sweetbreads and pork belly Foer and then talk to me about...
February 2010
5 posts
“Surly, lonely, and hard-drinking men, who feel as though they have been rendered...”
– Reihan Salam, The Death of Macho
the kind I like
I had an idea last night after hearing the pluckily yearning opening chords of Grizzly Bear during a Superbowl ad and then the Arcade Fire wailing briefly behind the NFL logo, but cut off before they were allowed to go into ”Children, don’t grow up/ Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up,” because that would be way way too gay. The next time some dum-dum* at a bar asks...
“You ever wait for something for so long that... →
claytoncubitt:
-Wynton Marsalis
“Let’s acknowledge that the Oscars are bullshit and we hate them. But they...”
– Manohla Dargis
January 2010
10 posts
Dear hous-z74qtetc@craigslist.org, I would eat...
$350 sweet space (bywater)
Date: 2010-01-20, 11:36AM CST Reply to: hous-z74qt-1561880697@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
We are looking for a roommate interested in living communally and in a just environment. It’s the type of house where incense flows, music fills, and cooking is a must. We like to keep the house clean and friendly. We live like a collective, supporting one...
Last night I dreamt that a heterosexual, male friend of mine confessed to me that he was gay. “Oh thank GOD!” I squealed and nestled my face into his shoulder while his male lover smiled down at us approvingly, “Now we can be real friends!” We all went to karaoke together after that and he sang “Jolene” and I felt warmly and asexually in love with him.
I like...
